Sunday, April 23, 2017

An Essay On Disappointments

Jon Arpons how to handle disappointments.

Everyone else avoids problems and get stressed over problems. But real businessmen are optimists because they know that for every problem, there are multiple solutions... And every problem is an opportunity for them to rise.

 -John Agra

Jon Arpon | Mortgage Banker | Salesman | Owner of | Mentally tough

An original essay written by Jon Arpon

How to handle disappointments? Let's ask a better question, how do you handle prolonged disappointments?

I've woken up this morning with a massive hangover and dry mouth because of the insane amount of alcohol I drank yesterday. I went to a few a dive bars with two lovely woman friends, the music was loud, the women were plenty, the drinks were unlimited. A great mixture for a man like me.

It's actually a horrible cocktail for failure, I disappointed myself last night. Not because I was hanging out with my friends and having a good time, but because I'm wasting a perfect Saturday night. 

Well maybe not a total waste, but I promised myself I would start reading books, I would write articles all the time, and these distractions have had a prolonged effect in everything I am trying to accomplish in life. 

So today, I'm handling disappointment by writing, by reading, by writing my goals down, by being optimistic.

This was a minor hiccup in a sea of different disappointments.

Let me tell you about the biggest disappointments of my life.

A failed marriage, A habit of gambling, and the habit of not finishing what I start.

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I was married to my high school sweetheart. When I first met her she was drop dead gorgeous and still is today. My ex-wife is probably the single, biggest disappointment in my life. She's not a disappointment but I was disappointed with the way I was.

She had a boyfriend back at the time and I was kind of not as popular as she was, to say the least. I was actually very shy back then. It's such a total opposite of who I am today actually. Long story short I was a short kid, not the most handsome and I didn't think I would ever get her to pay attention to me.

She was in all aspects "out of my league."

But I talked to her, and befriended her, I also concocted a plan to make her break up with her boyfriend at the time. I know, I'm a dick but I really wanted her. I really, really wanted her.

That was a period of about 3 months and after she broke up with her boyfriend she rebounded with another guy I was a mutual friend with. Guess what happens next? A disappointment. But I made sure she broke up with him 2 months later and I finally became her boyfriend. This was back in the days of Xanga and Myspace. When we used AIM messenger to contact people on the interwebs.

I mean the hard work, worked because I did end up marrying her. It ended in divorce shortly after that. The reason I say it was a major disappointment was because hindsight I would have loved to be a family man still with her because we have two kids. But stuff happens. I learned from it.

I handled the disappointment of a failed marriage by encouraging a habit of gambling. 

Oh, it was bad.

Very bad. 

What made matters worse were I lived right next to a casino and I developed a habit of dealing with disappointments in probably one of the most destructive ways possible.

About 2 years straight I suffered major financial losses because of it.

I checked into Gamblers Anonymous and got a sponsor. 

It was a very long rough road on the way to recovery because it affected all aspects of life. Especially work. But what was crazy was I was executing my job very well, it didn't matter if I lost my whole paycheck in 15 minutes.

I would come into work and still perform which probably didn't work to my benefit because the amounts of money I was making at the time weren't taking hits as if I was performing at 100% all the time. It was like, just consistently making money and blowing it.

See, what would have worked better, in my opinion, is that the gambling slowed my sales production down, but it didn't. 

This is when the breakthrough came and I realized I could actually do something great in my life. Because I had the uncanny ability to take hits, very hard hits and to keep going.

It was like I was just too stupid to understand I'm whipped. Which goes to my next point.

I've had a lot of success starting things is life, but not finishing it. Which is one of the greatest disappointments in my life.

Let me tell you why.

I get bored easily, I love the chase, which is why probably gambling found it's way into my habitual thinking. Whenever I get disappointed I used to just give up. If I fail twice, three times max I was done.

It's something I've had to consciously work on for the better part of my life. 

This is how I made the switch.

There's a story I'd love to say, It's a story that pulls me out of my darkest places and brings me back to my purpose in life.

He was a very slow, by the time kids in his class were 7 years old, they knew how to read and write. He didn't. 

Teachers had to bring the parents in and said: "we can't have him slowing the other children down."

He's slow, he didn't get a chance like all the other kids.

Parents said: "What are we going to do about this boy?"

As he got older he was fired from every job he had.

He failed massively in the beginning of his life, more failures than people even try.

Then he had a goal.

Every day he would work on that goal. 

Every day he failed.

He would just say "I failed today, it's an average day so what?"

Slowly he became smarter, more resourceful and believed he could do it.

1093 failure's later, the lightbulb lit. Thomas Edison.

That story hits so close to home because I was labeled stupid while growing up. To this day I don't have a high school diploma. He changed the face of the earth.

Most people reading this are probably much more formally educated than I am but It gives me hope. To just continue to take disappointments and keep moving forward.

I want to give you two ways I use to handle disappointments. 

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1. Be delusional

I'm filling up my gas tank and this kid comes up to me, he must be in his early 20's and he's homeless. 

He asks me for money I pull out my wallet and hand him $2. 

I said, "you know what sucks about your situation is that it's 
not your fault."

He slowly falls down on the pillar he was leaning against and started crying.

"It's not even my fault man, I shouldn't be begging for money."

He went on and on about how he didn't graduate high school because he was a stupid kid. I told him I was labeled stupid while growing up as well. We had a heart to heart talk.

In the end, I told him, the only way I got out of the stigma of feeling like I'm stupid, I replaced it with delusion.

It set him back a little bit, he said: "What do you mean be delusional?"

I said "Yes, exactly what I said. I choose to be optimistic in the face of every adversity no matter how un-probable the odds are to end up in your favor."

You see, I didn't create this website or compose essays because I was a literary genius, I did it because I was delusional enough to believe I could create a website where people would read what I had to say.

Let's get back to the story.

I told the guy "Listen to me, I don't have any education, I lack in many things that others have. But if there's one quality about myself is that being delusional has taken me out of darkness."

"I have very selective memories, I have selective hearing. When I take a financial hit, I don't care because I choose to be delusional and believe that something good is coming."

"Belief, in something no matter what the circumstances seem or are, it doesn't matter. I'm delusional so the laws of how bad things are, it doesn't apply to me because I lie to myself."

"When I keep lying to myself, the strangest things happen, I land a good job, my beliefs become reality. My delusions become the truth"

He listened with a fierce intent to take in everything I say. We ended the conversation there. 

I hope he turns out well.

2. It's necessary to be disappointed.

It's the only way to get what you want, life is not full of just winning constantly. 

It's built on failures and disappointments but the question is do you have the balls to keep going in the face of adversity, if there's only a 5% chance of getting it, will you go for it with 100% of your efforts knowing the odds aren't in your favor?

What's your mental fortitude?

How bad do you want it?

I read a quote this morning from a friend Ms. Webster she says: 

"Commitment is only commitment when there is no expiration date."

When Henry Ford created his first prototype, he was ridiculed and his response was "I will belt the earth with these." He was right.

Do you know how many disappointments he had to go through to get it out and actually belt the earth with vehicles? More than we probably know about.

Regardless, I handle disappointments like an average day now, I still have them, just kind of like last night. But do you see what I do when I run into a disappointment? This article's proof because I'm writing this essay so I can do something about it.

Besides if I didn't go out last night maybe I would have never written this. 


Jon Arpon

I hope you enjoyed, reading this article. My name's Jon and I specialize in writing about current events, the wonderful world of mortgage banking and life in general. If you have any questions or maybe even featured on my articles feel free to reach out. By the way if anyone you know is looking to refinance or needs a reverse mortgage send them my way my friends! If you have any questions feel free to send me a message on LinkedInFacebook, or Instagram.

This is how I feel about Donald Trump and Duterte being my presidents!
5 signs you are an emotionally intelligent individual

Jon Arpon "Orange Countys Premier Mortgage Banker."

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